"Lawng Uyland"

Please note...title must be pronounced with long vowels and a "Lawng Uyland" accent!  (and so must the ENTIRE post!!!)

So....I'm a New Yorker and I am from New York. I've got a dawg, a dawter, and a cup of cawfee (I mean vodka!).  I told my dawter not to give the dawg the cawfee (I mean vodka)...whad my dawter do!!!!  She gave the dawg the cawfee (ok, ok, vodka!).  SO...Now i've gawt a dead dawg, a dumb dawter and NO CAWFEE OR VODKA!!!!!

Thank gawd for my friend Jackie's dawter or else i wouldn't have had ANY fun this summa!